We need to pick a winner.
Last week many of you entered a joke submission for Martie’s contest. We need a winner. Help us pick ‘em. Vote for your favorite at the bottom, and enjoy a laugh on us!
Michele-
Everyone always says….
April Showers bring May Flowers….
but what did the May Flowers bring?!?!
The Pilgrims!!! 
LeAnn-
Sign behind an Amish carriage:
“Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats.
CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!”
Jane-
True story:
On Gwen’s 5th birthday she asked me how old I was. I told her 49. She looked at me and very seriously said “that’s a big number”.
Nazia-
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck
Becky-
A blonde is walking down the street one day and sees a brunette doing jumping jacks on some railroad tracks…..but the weird thing is she keeps repeating the same number….21…21….21…
Kristi-
Why do cows wears bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Kevin-
Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news…
Patient: Alright give me the bad news first I guess….
Doctor: Well your test results came back… and you have Canary disease.
Patient: Well that sounds pretty bad…..whats the good news….
Doctor: It’s Tweetable.
Kelsey-
What do blondes call Cheerios?
Donut seeds!
Joanna-
The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. Peter says “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”
Forrest responds “It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”
Peter goes on, “Yes I know, Forrest, but the test I have for you is only three questions. First: What days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God’s first name?”
Forrest goes away to think the questions over. The first thing the next morning, Peter returns to the gate to find Forrest already there waiting for him. Peter smiles warmly and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest says, “Well, the first one – how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.
The saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest! That’s not what I was thinking, but… you do have a point, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I give you credit for that answer.”
“How about the next one: How many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one’s harder” says Forrest, “But I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded St. Peter says, “Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forest says “Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second…..”
“Hold it,” Peter interrupts. “I see where you’re going with this, and I guess you’re right. It wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but I’ll give you credit for that one, too. Let’s go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name?”
Forrest replied, “Andy.”
“OK, OK,” said a frustrated gatekeeper, “I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you came up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”
“That was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learned it from the song! ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own…’”
Valeri Gillenwater-
How do you catch a Unique rabbit?
You neek up on it…
How do you catch a tame rabbitt?
Tame way…
Sandy Douglass Abalos-
A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train.
A woman upon seeing those 2 cute babies asked the man, “Aren’t they cute, what are their names?” The man giving the lady an angry look replied, “I don’t know.” The lady then asked, “Are they boys or girls?” The man looking angrier than before replied “I don’t know.” The woman then started to scold the man, “What kind of a father are you?”
The man replied, “I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are the 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company.”
Laura Carroll-
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Jackie Bush Moore -
This came from my friend Mike. A baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying. His mom asked him “How do you feel?” He replied “It was wonderful, everyone was clapping for me!”
A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”
The programmer said, “Look, I’m a programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”
Debra-
Bartender: we don’t serve ducks, get out
Duck waddles out, two minutes later he returns.
Hey bartender, got any beer?
Bartender: I told you we don’t serve ducks, get out
Duck waddles out, two minutes later he returns.
Bartender: I told you we don’t serve ducks, next time you ask, I’m gonna nail your feet to the floor.
Duck waddles out, two minutes later he returns.
Hey bartender, got any nails?
Bartender: throws down his towel – NO!
Duck: got any beer?
People say the wedding was bad, but the reception was good.
